Have you ever been so broken it was hard to breathe, eat, think, pray? Your humanity and the weight of all you can, have, and will experience, consumes you like a violent wave. Everything you knew shattered. The moment when Romans 8:26, or at least some variation of it enters my chaotic thoughts. Loud and clear enough to hear above the excessive noise.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26 NIV).

I’ve seen the Spirit move to calm my racing heart and to quiet my tears before I even realize I had prayed. That’s something I never experienced until every part of me was shattered and broken. Everything I ever thought would be, was true, was right…it was all wrong. I had painted a beautiful garden and continued adding layers of paint, until finally, it began to crack and chip away. Exposing the wasteland underneath.

I kept imagining a life that I wasn’t living. And then, the choice was taken from me to keep living the life I had made up. That, I feel, was a God *wink. He knew exactly where that life ended. It wasn’t what He wanted for me. Sometimes, it is better to have someone leave before you can ask them to stay. It forces you to heal, when you didn’t realize you had to. It allows perception to change and light to expose the dark corners you ignored.

Light draws us closer to Him, but it also exposes so much more than so many are willing to allow. So, does being shattered really mean I’m permanently broken? Or does it mean that I am getting a chance for restoration, redemption, and revival? One day, one step, one broken piece at a time, until I can clearly see what He intends for me. A new image.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:8 NIV).

I have come to know so much more about who God is and how tangible He is in this world. I could tell you that it’s easier knowing that, but that would be a lie. It’s not easier with God. It’s all still hard. But, there is a peace that you will never be able to explain when you know Him, and with that, hope. Hope that the pain doesn’t last forever, tears will be no more and joy will come one day.