I won’t pretend to be an expert on this topic, because I’m not. I have not had the full weight of this kind of pain thrust upon me. I have had levels. I think to some degree, we all have. Loss of things, places, dreams, expectations, friendships, relationships, animals and people. The closing doors of opportunity, fulfillment, joy, peace, companionship and a future of what ifs and could have beens. An end.

The weight falling upon our shoulders at different intensities, densities and speeds. Some being drown by despair, silencing the anguish that no one but God can understand. Some screaming out into an abyss where no one but God can hear. Some silently hoping to be found in the darkness by the only One illuminating light. No matter where we stand, feel, and experience this emptiness, it hurts. And at times, feels as though it will never stop hurting. It consumes us.

Most of us have had to experience this devastation and inevitable condition. It can be a physical loss, the loss of a relationship, or even the loss of a connection. If we love anything or anyone, we will experience loss. It seems cruel, until I remember how epically divine the experience of truly loving someone and something is. The closest we will ever know to the divine love He has for us.

I have always loved The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, because it embodies so much of what I wish to cling to, yet acknowledges all the struggles I know we will face. The story reminds me of the fragility and fleeting experience this life offers. It is but a moment in eternity, and we have a choice as to how we embrace or reject it. What we pour into and out of ourselves. When our time here is over, will our loss be felt by the world we left behind?

Right now, I am missing someone so much. My lungs refuse to fully inflate, and my heart, keeps pausing painfully in tribute, to the piece of it I gave away. It feels as though my soul is being crushed. My eyes can’t control the outburst of tears that come at the most inopportune times. I try my best to smile and redirect every wave of anguish that radiates through my chest. Nothing I can do, or think, or pray, makes it feel any less devastating or permanent.

I used to believe that God, was a God of exchange, penance, and retribution. That, for every good thing gained, something was lost. And, I’ll be honest, it still feels that way at times. Every good thing exchanged for some level of destruction and pain. I know that’s a lie. I know the God I have come to know and trust, will redeem and restore broken hearts. He promises renewal, revival, restoration and reunification with all that has been lost. That promise, keeps me from giving up and giving in to the sorrow.

We become responsible for that which we chose to tame (read The Little Prince). With that, comes risk. We will always risk being broken when we give part of ourselves away. It’s worth the pain. It’s worth so much more than we will ever fully understand. And God, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Don’t fear the risk of loss, when the reward in loving is so much greater.