There are so many choices we get to make over the course of our existence on this planet. Some are life changing, some are mundane, some are necessary, some are not. There are choices we are forced to make, while others are taken from us. We enter into these different circumstances with no guarantee of a positive outcome. We dare to believe we are choosing correctly whatever we need to make it to the next stage.

It has taken me a couple of days to formulate my thoughts. So much has transpired over the course of 3 years in my life. I don’t want to lose my focus or intention on sharing what I’ve come to know. So, I’ll give a brief flashback of the major points that shifted my perspective, grew my faith and helped shape who I’ve become. Through every choice and challenge, I have grown into who I am suppose to be.

In March of 2019, my world as I knew it, came crashing down. My husband of nearly 15 years, left. Maybe I should have expected it, but I didn’t. Every dream, hope and thought of the future we planned, gone. Our little boy and I left behind. We had no choice in this moment. The decision was made for us. We then had to choose how we were going to move forward. When all I wanted to do was scream, cry and disappear.

I lost 25lbs in the 2 weeks that followed, and began noticing other physical issues. My heart was racing all the time, I had a full body tremor that was so bad, at times it looked as though I was having small seizures. My hair began falling out, and I couldn’t stop losing weight. I thought it was just the stress, the sadness, the brokenness. My friends and family begged me to go to the doctor, knowing something was horribly wrong. .

I was experiencing a thyroid storm, an emergent manifestation of thyrotoxicosis. Life-threatening. Undiagnosed autoimmune disease. Grace of God, I chose to listen to those who love me. The next obstacles I faced…getting healthy, finding a job (after being out of the workforce for 12 years), continuing to homeschool (without any support), trying to pay bills and log into accounts that I found I never had access to. Then came a broken down car, bad tires, broken furnaces, blown down fences, broken sinks, broken appliances, sick pets, court, legal fees… Life happened.

The world didn’t stop because of my broken heart, but my world slowed to a stand still. I had another choice to make. Seek the God I knew would never leave me, that had the power to change my circumstances, heal all the broken pieces of my soul and body, or stand alone in the dark? I chose light, and found Him again, with the help of some well placed people. God’s timing is perfect in surrender. He knows our struggles, weaknesses, strengths. Our humanity. And though I don’t believe He ever gives us hardships, I believe He will bring beauty from ashes.

I began seeking God in desperation. I needed hope and direction. It started with praying. Praying for so much. I would read the Bible in pieces, turning pages and stopping randomly, waiting to hear the Spirit speak to me through those precious words. Never fully grasping what I was reading. I grew up in a very different “religious” environment. It wasn’t comforting, or loving, or forgiving, and neither was God. He was cruel, angry and He mocked our pain by turning away and doing nothing, or even worse, justifying it as punishment for our sin. That was a lie.

I was shown who God really is, amongst a congregation of seeking, faithful believers, tucked away at a community church. They led us back to Him. They taught us that He is loving, kind, forgiving, gracious, compassionate, and abundantly generous. We were welcome with open arms and hearts, and offered assistance and prayer. It became a refuge. Another home. An escape, when the memories in our house hurt too much to bear. Our new chapter began there, surrounded by love.

But there is so much more I want to share! More that molded who I am and who I want to be. Maybe it will help clarify direction for someone, or open eyes, or plant seeds… I pray that it serves to draw us closer to Him and each other. I want everyone to know what I know, without having to discover it the painful way I did. I want to share how God became tangible to me. How His people have a way of knowing what to do for those in need. How He supplies needs, wants and miracles. How our choices can effect our hardships. How you know He loves you and me. There is so much more…