It was hard not to feel defeated at the beginning of the battle. There were so many mountains to climb and my numbers and resources so few. I struggled through sludge to make it to each marker. A sign that I had accomplished something. Movement, however little, was a sign of success. Smiling, laughing, and celebrating each day I was able to overcome. Every day, we not only survived, but thrived, was a blessing.

Strength grew in sorrow, and God filled the spaces between, as promised. We came to know people we never would have known. Experienced things, we would have never experienced. We became first hand witnesses to the brokenness of a system that was intended to protect. I watched as lies were not only accepted but encouraged, by rejecting any form of consequence. I was told early on by the attorney who stepped in to take over after mine passed away, ” Family court is not a court of justice, but one of equity”.

Can you imagine hearing that? Knowing that system is intended to protect and determine the future lives of children? My child. Maybe your child. Regardless of truth or details, all that mattered was what was seemingly “fair”. It is the only court that forces the abused back with their abuser. Photos, video, witnesses, documentation, was not enough to stop the continued financial, emotional and psychological abuse. The $56k bill and 2 1/2 years of torment are evidence of a failed system. The only winners; judges, attorneys, law firms, and the Family Court.

God gives us every opportunity to stand and fight against all the enemy can throw at us. His encouragement available for us all to access and embrace. Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, Luke 10:19-20, 1 Peter 5:10… Priceless promises. Just a few of the scriptures that calmed my anxious soul. It could have been worse, and in the end, I was grateful it was over. We had so much support through it all. I choose to see every blessing that unfolded by climbing all of those mountains. In a worldly way, we lost, but in every other way we won.

We gained a freedom that we had lost long ago. A freedom already given to us, but one that I gave away with the promise of comfort, care and love. A false pretense of love. My trust and dependence fell on a man and not Jesus. I had neglected my relationship with God. That was the piece I was missing, but it had never left me. I know true love exists in and through Him. I was, am, and always will be all in when it comes to Him. He never forsakes or forgets. The miraculous works best in the impossible.