There are so many moments when I felt like the world and everything I love abandoned me. I can’t see past the shadows that surround me. I know that God is still there, but I can’t feel Him close enough to feel the peace that I know He brings. Without that peace, everything seems lost in chaos, destruction and hopelessness. As much as I would love to say those moments don’t happen because of my faith, they do.

I am human. I am not perfect in any way. I don’t claim to know or understand all things that I have encountered or will encounter. I never plan or plot to make mistakes. I am never malicious or callous in my thoughts or actions. I know that actions have consequences and that I have to live within the reality of those consequences. I know God still loves me, even when I don’t love myself or the things I have done.

I try to remember that His love is greater than my transgressions, but like any parent, He can be disappointed in me. Anyone who loves and cares for us can feel disappointment, but that doesn’t mean the love fades. It is often in our greatest moments of failure that we see who our true friends and real family are. Who will listen and tell us that they still love us when everything has gone wrong and veered off the path and plan God had for us?

I was faced with exposing the most vulnerable parts of me to the people I love the most. The friends that are more than friends, they are family. My heart ached at the thought of their disappointment, but more than that, their rejection. I value them so much and would never want to lose their presence in my life. I reached out to each one with a fear within me and prayed that God’s love and forgiveness would shine through them.

One by one, they showed me love. The unconditional love that God has shown me throughout my life. I have never had to ask for them to love me through something so difficult, yet not one of them failed to immediately say they loved me. That there wasn’t anything I could do to make them not love me. It was the moment in which I knew no matter what, I would be okay, even though I have no idea how it all will end. I am loved and wanted and cared for. The greatest and most valuable form of love.

There are so many unknowns and if I could change the course of the next days, months and years, I would certainly try. I know that purpose can be found even in the most difficult of circumstances. God has a way of taking something we do, that may not be ideal, and using it for our good and His glory. He has already done that through those who have offered their love and support without condemnation. This is divine friendship and love in action.

I can only move forward from here, and trust that God sees so much more than I ever could. Trusting, His plan is still to prosper, and not harm. He is the Author of all creation and He has the ability to bring healing, redemption and hope to a situation that seems hopeless. A little peace came with their declaration of unconditional love. Though I still fear the judgment and loss that may or may not come, I have to lean in and surrender. Whatever difficulties and obstacles I face, I am not alone. I am not rejected. I am loved.